Companion Limbo

Feel the quiet hurt flow

Feel it now

Embrace it how

It creates the scars

You’ve learned to make your home.

Hear the quiet sorrow whisper

Hear it now

Mistake it how

It tricks your mind

Into the false sanity it’s created to keep you close. Isolated. Trapped.

Taste the bitterness of your pain

Taste it now

Savour it how

It hugs your lips

With the lies you’ve told yourself every night.

That all of this nothing was for something. That it mattered. That you mattered. That the things you thought mattered, mattered.

And at the end of the day,

After everyone goes home and closes their eyes, and as the sun has turned it’s back on you for the day,

You convince yourself that the moon anticipates the time it gets to spend with you.

But even then, even though the moon spent the entire day longing to be in your presence,

It will retreat.

It was easy to see what it wanted to see.

It was easy to wish for you.

It was easy to long for you.

But it wasn’t easy to stay.

Because even though the moon controls the night, and longs for you, the sun controls the day.

And even though the sun waits for you until the morning,

It will not be strong enough to stay.

You will always be the one

That is loved the most

When you are slightly out of reach.

You will always be everyone’s favourite what if.

You will always be waited for as the one in another life and will over stay your welcome in a cup that’s already full.

You shone so bright, that you forgot who you were when the light went out. Trapped in the dark, cold cage of your abyss of never knowing how to embrace all that you are. The bed you’ve been making is the grave you’ve been digging.

You will always be the moon’s favourite when in the company of the sun,

And the sun’s wish when in company of the moon.

You will always be living in a moment too soon. You’ll live in between the seasons, and at the end of high tide.

You’ll drown in the limbo of what could’ve been and never was while being too damaged to push yourself off the ground in order to reach the surface.

You’ve given yourself weighted wings

and the illusion you could fly

How dare I trust the things I’ve thought to be anything but a lie.

GS

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LOL

The last time I posted on my blog was in 2015.

2015.

I was such a different person. Even three short years ago.

2019 is the year I make shit happen. I’m done living a mediocre life as the basic bitch you wanted me to be.

I am a God damn unicorn and I am here to fuck shit up.

Dinosaurs that win & fail according to GlitterShits 

Dinosaurs are pretty much the coolest thing to ever roam the planet. I fucking love dinosaurs. Almost as much as unicorns – and if you know me at all, you know that’s a pretty bold statement. 

I am in my 30’s and I am the proud collector of Dino toys. Only the good ones though. Brands like Rebor, Sideshow, PAPO, some Schleich, some CollectA and some Safari. 

I’d collect unicorn toys as well – but a part of me feels a room full of unicorns makes you look borderline crazy while a room full of dinosaurs automatically gives you that cool factor you’re obviously striving so hard far. So dinosaurs it is! 

Even though the lamest dinosaur is a million times cooler than the most kick-ass animal, there still has to be a list of dinosaurs that are winning and dinosaurs that are failing. 

So let’s get this party started:

The Top 5 Dinosaurs That Fail, IMO

#5: Liopleurodon 

  

Although aquatic dinosaurs are pretty fuckin’ nifty, I feel that this aquatic Dino is the least awesome. Although it did make a small cameo in Charlie the Unicorn – which is why I’ll make it LAST on my list of lamest dinosaurs. 

It lacks size and it doesn’t boast a very good kill record. It’s not even on the top five of the prehistoric aquatic food chain. 

I also imagine it’s skin to be smooth and shiny like a seal which makes it more like a sealasaurus than a kick-ass swimming dinosaur. 

Sorry, Lio – turns out you’re not the king of the world after all. 

#4: Oviraptor

  

I wish I could say I liked this dinosaur. Anything with the word “raptor” in it has got to kick ass, right? FALSE. 

Oviraptor, unfortunately, is not a deadier, condensed version of its cousin, the velociraptor. It’s main diet consisted of eggs that were STOLEN when other dinosaurs turned their backs. Talk about cheap shots. 

If I was to compare it to an animal of today, I would compare it to a hyena or an African wild dog. A predatory scavanger that doesn’t even look cool. Im going to go with a turkey crossed with a hyena. Yes. 

I feel like, in dino terms, it’s a cross between barely a raptor, a gallimimus, a compsognathus (the tiny dinosaurs you see in Jurassic Park, The Lost World, and JP3), and an asshole. 

Just sayin’… 

Which leads me to the third lamest dinosaur on my list: 

#3: Gallimimus 

  

This dinosaur is basically an ostrich and for that, fuck you. 

#2: Brontosaurus or Apatosaurus 

  

Honestly, I almost feel bad putting this guy on my list – nevermind so high up on my list. But he really is a lame-o-saurus. It is argued that the Bronto is a sub species of the Apato and if that was the case I would take Apato off the list completely – but since it can’t be agreed on that they are two different long-necked dinosaurs, they both take the title at #2. 

If I was to compare it to an animal of today, I would combine an elephant, a cow and a sloth. Although each of these animals are pretty awesome, combining all three into a dinosaur that didn’t contribute any awesome during DinoDays makes me ask, “What’s the point?” 

Do not confuse this Dino with Brachiosaurus. This breed of long necked sauropod kicked MEGA ass and is NOT under the same category as Brontofailasaurus. 

#1: Pterodactyl & Iguanodon

  

   

 I had to tie these two stupid dinosaurs. 

Usually, anything with wings automatically defaults to everything awesome – but with this guy, I have to disagree. It’s ugly and any toy or display at dinosaur shows or theme parks with this dinosaur look fucking retarded. 

If I was to compare it with an animal of today it would be crossed with a pelican, a bat and a seagull. Let that sink in for a minute. Yeah. Fucking stupid. 

And don’t even get me started on iguanodon. It’s name is so lame, I feel like a 5 year old boy found its bones and the museum was like, ok what do you want to name it? And he was like IGUANASAURUS AFTER MY IGUANA – and they somehow convinced him to drop the “Saurus” and replace it with “don” in hopes of a less lame sounding dinosaur. Nope. Nice try though. 

Also – it’s thumbs look fucking ridiculous. What made people putting this skeleton together decide they were thumbs? That poor dinosaur is rolling over in its grave cursing humans and screaming: “THOSE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SPIKES AT THE END OF MY TAIL!” Those stupid thumbs are a lifelong curse of giving everyone a thumbs up, even if it wants to say “hey, GFY!” They should of called it Fonziesaurus. 

Sorry, Igo… There’s just no turning back now. 

Top 5 Dinosaurs That Win, IMO

#5: Parasaurolophus 

  

This is my favourite dinosaur of all time. But, I have enough common sense to know that this herbivore simply cannot be #1. 

I feel like this is the unicorn of the dinosaurs. Beautiful, graceful and probably magical. 

It’s known to have large paternal and maternal instincts and even “DinoSat” other hatchlings amongst the herd. 

It also isn’t useless like the brontosaurus and can run at top speeds and will viscously defend its family unit. Go team! 

#4: Styracosaurus 

  

This dinosaur is the sexiest of all the ceratopsians, or “horned faced” dinosaurs. 

They have a beak like mouth that is unique to ceratopsians and the Styracosaurus has the deadliest horns on its nose and neck frill. 

If I was to compare Styracosaurus with an animal of today, it would be Megan Fox. 

#3: Tyrannosaurus Rex 

  

We all knew T-Rex was going to make this list. But, I bet many of you thought it was going to be #1! 

T-Rex has star power and definitely wins any kind of popularity contest – thanks to the Jurassic Park franchise. 

Although the T-Rex was at the top of the cheer-a-mid and most likely dated the prized quarterback, I definitely feel that there are more meatier, underrated, kick ass carnivorous dinosaurs out there. 

Plus, Rexy has been the brunt of too many short-arm-can’t-reach jokes. Although a T-Rex joke never gets old, a T-Rex at the top of dino lists does. 

#2: Megalodon

   

 
Because it’s fucking Megalodon. 

#1: Spinosaurus

  

And here we have #1! The Spinosaurus. This mean mother towers over the t-rex. It’s pretty much a Baryonix (another kick-ass dino) on steroids. 

It’s believed that it had webbed feet because the dorsal fin on its back would have no other purpose rather than a tool for swimming. 

That’s right. This dinosaur SWAM. It might as well sprout wings and breathe fire so we can call it a fucking dragon. It’s practically that anyways. 

If I was to compare it to an animal of today, it would be Chuck Norris. 

Honourable Mention Top 3 Dinosaurs That Win

#1: Deinonychus

  

This is the dinosaur that has been dubbed the false name of Velociraptor – again – thanks to the Jurassic Park Franchise. 

Don’t get me wrong – the Jurassic Park movies are the equivalent of porn when it comes to creature features, but they did falsely depict some of the dinosaurs. 

Even though they are smaller than many prehistoric carnivores, the deinonychus had very few reasons to watch his back. Human-like smarts, lightening speed, cat like flexibility and agility with a machete attached to his foot made this dino almost indestructible. 

This dinosaur is the equivalent of today to a honey badger, on ecstasy, with a chain saw. 

#2: Ankylosaurus

  

Look at this fucking dinosaur. LOOK AT IT. 

It’s a living, breathing weapon. It is a mace with a brain. Enough said. 

#3: Thalassomedon

  

I choose this dinosaur because 

It

Still

Exists. 

Just ask all those people in Scotland. 

   

Hooray! Another hatey list blog! 

Sometimes, when you burn food – it gives it that yummy charred taste. Things like BBQ chicken, or marshmallows or hotdogs over a fire. But then there are things that you burn that taste so horrible, you start to contemplate the act of eating altogether and why you even bother. 
Here is my top three list of things that taste like absolute shit when burnt. 

#3: Pasta Noodles 
I know you’ve all been there. A pot of KD at 3am after a night of drinking always sounds glorious. The only catch is you have to make it and you are starting to experience the spins. 

Intentions always start out the greatest. You skip the step of boiling the water before you put in the pasta. Drunken sense tells you it’s an unnecessary step. 

You put the burner on high, dump in pasta and go lay on the couch. 

The initial boil over scares the living shit out of you. You leap off the couch and pull the pot off the burner and blow down the foam bubbles. You look at the stove top and start to dread the clean up in the morning. 

Ok, you give the pasta a stir – turn the temp way down and let the noodles simmer as you go counteract your spins with your arm draped over your eyes while you lay on the couch waiting for your glorious KD that is going to fix  everything.

This is about the time you pass out and eventually wake to the smell of something burning. How long were you asleep for? You don’t know – but it definitely was long enough for every last drop of water to boil out and half the pasta to cook to the bottom of the pot. 

Go you! Superstar. 

Whatever – you scrape what’s salvageable and add the heavenly powdered cheese, milk and butter only to discover that the noodles are mushy and they have that burnt taste that completely overpowers anything you tried to accomplish. 

Fuck it. You’re finding a way to a McDonald’s drive thru. 

#2: Bread 

I am always torn with whether or not to call this bread or toast. 

Technically, if the bread is burnt it’s now toast. (No pun intended) 

You’re not toasting toast. You’re toasting bread. And the end result, burnt or not, is toast. 

Toast that has gone too far is one of the nastiest things I’ve ever tasted. 

There is no amount of jam, peanut butter, Nutella or cheese whiz that can save it, either. 

In my experience, the numbers on a toaster mean sweet fuck-all. Numbers usually range from 1-6, and for the longest time time I thought they were levels of toastiness. 

Turns out, though, that they are minutes. 

But – they aren’t just regular minutes that the rest of the world uses. They are magical toaster world minutes. 

Last week, 3 gave me the perfect level of toastiness. ZERO burnt spots, a beautiful golden brown throughout, and crust that still has a bit of elasticity to it. Perfection. 

Today, 3 completely obliterated my bread. 

Sigh. Ok, toaster… Please enlighten me as to why 3 toaster minutes LAST WEEK was the perfect amount of time to toast my bread, but, THIS WEEK, 3 toaster minutes is the equivalent of a nuclear war against breakfast? 

Ok – new bread and 2 should do the trick. 

NOPE, still burnt to shit. 

Ok – new bread and 1. No? Oh this is a fun game. Now you won’t even stay down. No matter how many times I push down the lever or how long I hold it for, it pops back up. 

A TOASTER IS THE JAR JAR BINKS OF SMALL KITCHEN APPLIANCES. 

I give up. Im having sugar crisp. 

#1: Popcorn 

I feel that I don’t even really need to expand on this one. Everyone has experienced burnt microwaved popcorn at some point. 

It is the most vile smell and taste in the burnt food category. 

Even if only TWO kernels are burnt – it will ruin the ENTIRE BAG. Not only is the whole bag ruined, your whole house will now smell like burnt popcorn carcasses for a few weeks. It’s best burn your house down and start over at this point, to be honest. 

You know who’s fault this is? That fucking POPCORN BUTTON on the microwave. It’s the biggest asshole known to man that LIED on its resume to get the job. 

“Fluent in popcorn popping time”

Until it’s time to deliver and it screws up EVERY TIME… 

“Uhh.. This popcorn is a different dialect.” 

Yeah. Whatever. I’ll just start the process of elimination to find the perfect popping time by manually keying in the cooking time. 

PS – my perfect popcorn popping time is 2:22. 

You’re welcome. 

Things that make me rage

I haven’t ranted in a bit.. Let’s see what I’ve been bottling up:

When someone gets a wrist tattoo the size of a loonie and boasts with the caption; “TATTED UPPPPP!!!” No. No you’re not. You’ve received a tattoo.. And now you have one tattoo. Sshhhh.

When strangers think my pregnant belly is a free for all. HOLD UP. Stop touching me. Did I give you permission to touch me? ALSO – my sleeve tattoo. “Ohhh I love your tattoo…” As they reach out and grab my arm and twist it in an extremely awkward angle to see the other side of it. Seriously? I’m going to start walking up to people who have really soft looking sweaters and rub my face into their backs. Seems fair, right?

Unsolicited advice from people who do NOT succeed at life. I fail at a lot of things… That’s why I usually keep my advice to myself – unless it’s shit I am qualified in. But my FAVORITE is when the alcoholic criticizes the food addict. OR the non-parent advises the parent. NO. STOP IT AND KNOW YOUR PLACE.

People who know that life is too short but decide to be hypocritical anyways. LOL have fun with that.

Trying to move your cart around someone who has parked THEIR cart in the middle of the aisle and when you realize you can’t you just sliiiiide their cart out of the way and they LOSE THEIR SHIT on you for touching their cart. YES. Because I want EVERYTHING you have in your cart and am going to abandon MY cart to take off with yours. HOW ABOUT you don’t be an aisle hog? How about that??

When you pay for high speed internet and it still takes 5 minutes for a page to fully load. Twitch.

When you’re out walking your dog and someone else is walking their dog and HOLY SHIT you both have dogs so for some reason it opens up the Pandora’s box of unwanted socializing because you both have dogs when all you wanted to do was WALK YOUR DOG. You didn’t go out for a talk. You went out for a walk.

When you go to a restaurant to eat and it’s dead and they put you in the most retarded spot, like, right by the bathrooms or front entrance with the drafty door. It’s also awesome when someone else comes in and the seat them RIGHT NEXT to you. Sweeeeeeet.

Cat piss. It stinks. I hate it.

When people say “guess what” and you go “what” and then they go “guess”. Immediately, the conversation is over. Also, “chicken butt” can burn in hell.

When you’re having an EPIC screen shot worthy text convo and then the person on the other end screws it up by not responding how you wanted them too. GAH!

When you go to the dentist and you check in and they’re like… “Excited?” It seriously takes every ounce of me not to reach over the counter and punch them in the face. That being said, though, it’s probably the same for people working the concession at the movie theatre and when they say “enjoy you’re movie” and you say “enjoy working”. They probably want to punch me in the face as well. TOUCHÉ, life.

Nightmare within a nightmare. That shit isn’t cool. #inceptionisreal

/end rant. For now.

What they DON’T tell you about pregnancy…

Ankles? Nope. During the second trimester your ankles start to become one with your calves. You don’t realize how much you like your ankles until you no longer have ankles.

Heartburn isn’t the usual heartburn. It’s deathburn and NOTHING will get in it’s way. It will only laugh at TUMS and dance on the grave of pepto and Pepcid AC.

The awkward tummy stage. You never see pictures of women proudly showing off their bump during the first trimester or even during the start of the second. Nope. Know why? Cuz you just look fat. Not small enough to fit in your jeans but not big enough to wear a cute empire waisted shirt without looking like you’re trying to hide something.

Explosive constipation. I am a living contradiction that defies itself. Every. Day.

Boobs. Your boobs double, if not triple in size. This is good, though, right? WRONG. Because although they LOOK like the ultimate funbags – they are not. They are touch-these-and-die-bags. Even the lightest brushing of a t-shirt is enough to make you want a double mastectomy. Now. Oh – and also – your boobs scream when a nearby baby cries. Any baby. Just wait until you start lactating. Doesn’t matter where you are, if a baby starts to cry.. So do your boobs.

Your body starts rejecting things that once lived in harmony with it. For me? Piercings and bacon. Piercings I’ve had for over 5 years and the food of the Gods. Thumbs up for pregnancy!

Emotions and logic. The logical side of your brain goes dormant and the over emotional irrational side goes into overdrive. This is especially fun when you have to keep your shit together because you have a job, kids and a relationship. You may find that you hate people even more than you did before you were knocked up and you find yourself trying really really REALLY hard not to cause physical harm to some of them. Has my boss ALWAYS been this insane, or pregnant? Has that convenience store clerk ALWAYS smelled that bad, or pregnant? Has my sons voice ALWAYS sounded like a rusty harmonica, or pregnant? It’s a fun game that you get to play. Every. Day.

Anticipation but just kidding. Yes – you eagerly await the day your bundle of joy arrives – but honestly, you know you’ll never sleep again so you secretly are OK with just one more day. Just one more. Juuuuust one more.

Flutters. The movement in your belly you feel that aren’t quite kicks, but it’s definitely something. Sometimes it’s gas.

The want and need to have everything and everyone that ever existed close to you but as soon as they’re there, they need to go away.

Hair gets dull. Face explodes with teen-like breakouts and makeup doesn’t feel the same and doesn’t sit the same on your face. It doesn’t become ONE with your face. It just sorta… Sits on top. The way oil sits on water.

The sudden desire to sleep on your tummy… Even if you weren’t previously a tummy sleeper. Part of me wonders if it’s my subconscious host wanting to smother the parasite within. Maybe I’ve watched too many movies…

There are not enough hours in the day to sleep. There has GOT to be a way to sleep 32 hours in a 24 hour period. Like, really.

Nightmares. Always. All the time. Every hour of sleep you will be nightmaring about something.. Whether it be your baby being half fish (NO not a kick-ass merbaby – but like, half trout) or 9 months rolls around and turns out JUST KIDDING you’re not actually pregnant. Fun times.

You will get hit on by the creepiest of the creeps. I’m not talking about legit flattering compliments from people.. I’m talking about men with crazy weird fetishes that involve pregnant women, diapers and whips. No. NO.

Your body pillow can and will replace any sort of actual connections you need with your partner.

“Nesting” is terrifying and nothing like they say in the books where you start purging closets and washing walls, and folding new little baby clothes. No. It feels more like WINTER IS COMING and you have 3 days to hunt, gather and store resources for your family to survive the long, terrifying months ahead. WHY DID YOU SPEND ALL THAT PRECIOUS TIME SLEEPING?!

So there you have it. The gruesome, not so pretty and fluffy stuff they won’t tell you in the pregnancy books. Don’t get me wrong… Pregnancy is a beautiful time – but there are moments where you allow yourself to be human and hatey – and these are those moments. I know there’s women that relate… And if you DONT relate to at least SOME, then you’re lying. 😉

~ GS

Getting Better at Being Hurt

My heart burns today. My eyes sting from crying out of hurt and then from crying out of anger with myself that I’m crying because I’m hurt. But that’s what happens when you care too much. That’s what happens when you put all your eggs into one basket and take a leap of faith. That’s what happens when you don’t have a backup plan or a safety net. You get hurt.

Surprisingly though, I’m getting better at getting hurt. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Before, It would literally paralyze me. I would be depressed for days – I wouldn’t even be able to do the bare minimum to keep my house hold running. My mind would shut off and I would shut down completely. Even though I still feel hurt and anger – I can deal with it better. I don’t panic. I don’t lash out. I don’t make stupid rash decisions. I allow myself to be hurt for a moment, and then I move on. Because If I have learned one thing in life, it’s that life will go on – with or without you. Life doesn’t stop because you’re sad, or confused. AND if you DO allow your world to stop every time you get hurt, you’re only making more work for yourself and constantly playing catch up.

I am so sick and tired of doubting myself. I am a good person. I love hard. I fight hard. I’m compassionate and I care. I am getting better at not putting my self-worth in someone else’s hands. I am getting better at KNOWING when I’m ACTUALLY wrong and apologizing. I am also getting better at not allowing myself to take the blame for EVERYTHING.

I am not perfect – but I’m definitely not garbage to be thrown away. I give everything I am to someone that has my heart – and that will never change. If someone can’t handle it, well, then – that’s THEIR problem. Not mine. I deserve to be loved as much as I love and I will not beg for it. If it is given to me freely, then I will take it freely. Love shouldn’t have price tags, or consequences or doubt. It should just BE.

Words hurt. And there’s nothing anyone can do about them. It reminds me of a story I read about a teacher and her students. She gave all her students tooth paste tubes, or shaving cream cans, or whipping cream and told them all to squeeze or spray it all out onto their desks. Eager to make such a mess, the kids did it without even thinking twice. After everything was emptied the teacher then asked the kids to put everything back inside. Confused, the kids reminded her that it can’t be put back. That’s when she explained that words are like the toothpaste. You’re so eager to make such a mess that you don’t realize that once the mess is made, there’s nothing you can do to put it back.

Be careful and mindful with what you say. Especially to the ones you love. The ones that would walk on fire to save you from burning your own feet. The ones that would give you their last breath so you could have one more. These are the ones that are going to dodge your words like bullets, because they know that sometimes, in the heat of the moment, things are going to be said – but every so often, a bullet will hit. And that scar won’t go away easily, if ever.

Be kind to the ones you love, because in the end, when everything is bone and ash, love will be the only thing left standing.

~GS